Jennifer Moody, September 19, 1999
Sara Gelser had heard about parenting classes such as Living and Learning with Your Baby and Linn-Benton Community College. She and her son, Sam, tried them for a while.
She found, however, that the classes really didn't apply to life with Sam, who is developmentally delayed and lacks the verbal and coordination skills of other children his age. What she needed was a class that helped her understand how to live and learn with a child who has different needs.
"I had wanted so badly to have that opportunity to come together and meet other families who have disabled kids, and they weren't there," Gelser recalled.
So with LBCC's help, she started a class herself.
Living and Learning with Your Child with Special Needs begins its second year this week. Classes are 6:30-8:30pm Tuesdays in the children's section of the Corvallis-Benton Public Library.
The class is open to parents, foster parents, grandparents and other primary caregivers of children ages birth to 5 with disabilities in Linn and Benton counties. The cost is $37 plus a $5 lab fee each term, but some financial assistance is available.
The class is divided into quarters. Participants earn one LBCC credit each quarter. Parents are encouraged to bring their children with them to classes.
Gelser, who teaches the class with pediatric occupational therapist Geri Aman, says several openings are still available for fall term. Participants, she said, can show up on Tuesday nights, come in the middle of the term if it's too late to register or call 757-3235.
The type of disability a child has doesn't matter, Gelser said. Last year's classes included parents of children with everything from Down Syndrome to autism to undiagnosed developmental delays.
Gelser and Aman make it a point to have some themes that are common to all the families. They also ask parents for input on class topics that would best fit their needs, and every week includes time for families to share the triumphs and frustrations in their lives.
"With this group, a child looking at a Cheerio can be a huge accomplishment," Gelser said.
In the fall, the class goes over the social and emotional aspects of having a child with a disability. Parents learn how to accept the needs of other siblings in the family, be nurturing within the marriage and how to deal with family and friends.
"People say the most incredible things. We actually have a section dealing with the weird things people say, like ‘If you'd only prayed more, the baby would have been normal,'" Gelser said. "It's an amazing world. It's a whole different place once you've got a kid with disabilities."
Winter term will focus on the special education system, including issues such as parental rights, visits from specialists, how to deal with conflicts and choosing a preschool. In the spring, the class will look at different types of therapies, working with doctors and insurance companies and dealing with issues that could arise at a parent's workplace.
The underlying goal of each class, Gelser said, is "to help people realize their kids are just fine, and that they don't need to be fixed. It's how to normalize as families."
The class is unique for several reasons: it deals with young children who have not reached school age, it focuses more on parent needs and it offers the point of view of a professional alongside that of a parent with a special-needs child of her own.
Aman's background allows her to help parents with technical questions, like the time she showed Corvallis parent Kathy Harris how to interpret a skills assessment for her son, who is autistic. Gelser is able to relate to parents who are leaning how to cope with the fact that their child's future will be very different than the one they expected.
Parents who took the class last year say the combination is a powerful one.
Nadine Skyllingstad of Corvallis attended the class with her son Kyle, now 4.
Kyle's speech and social abilities are delayed, and he prefers to work with patterns rather than people, such as creating intricate bead designs in a quiet corner. Gelser and Aman's class taught Nadine new ways of playing with her son, such as using puppets to act out ordinary situations, everything from spending time at school to visit from the mail carrier.
Gelser's experiences don't mirror her own perfectly, Skyllingstad said, but it's still nice to hear from someone who has been there- someone else who has had to deal with round after round of specialists, juggle the needs of other family members, and think out all the possible effects before deciding whether to take her child out to dinner.
"It's kind of nice to find another parent in the dual world," she said.
Terry Shank of Corvallis attended classes last year with her daughter, Katie, 4, who has semilobarholoprosencephaly, a condition in which the front of the brain does not divide correctly. Katie eats through a feeding tube, wears leg braces and uses only a few words to communicate.
"'Yes' is a very happy and giggling noise, and ‘No' is a very definite lower lip," Shank said.
Shank said the class that made the biggest impression on her dealt with meeting with an attorney to make special provisions for Katie's care should anything happen to her and her husband.
"It's kind of like a special will," she said, "and we're very glad we did it."
The instructors learn, too.
"I think I'm reminded of the uniqueness and specialness that children with special needs bring to their families," Aman said.
"There are miracles every week."
For Jeff and Alison Hintzman of Corvallis, one of the best parts of being involved with Gelser's class was the chance to talk with other parents on a regular basis who were going through the same issues they were.
Their daughter, Anna, now 2, has lobarholoprosencephaly, which means her brain did not fully divide in half. The condition means the little girl has vision problems and is prone to seizures.
"For all these parents, there comes a moment where there's a doctor who tells you your child is going to be different," Jeff said. "It's a very emotional time to go through."
"Doctors can give you all the medical information you need, but they can't prepare you for your lifetime with your child. This class is an opportunity to begin to get over that and realize there are parents with other issues. You're not alone."